Partygoers

Level Cement

rating: +6+–x

= Level Classification =

= have you ever heard of the backrooms = The Backrooms are when you on that 5g phone and you tryin to record a banger in the studio but all of a sudden: JAPERS! JOOGLES! JINKIES! You’ve fallen through the floor! Dare I say, you may have no-clipped! The Backrooms contains many levels, and all of them are bad. Leave.

babe are you okay you haven't touched your cement deluxe

I shit myslegy

^ grammer mistake. downvoted!

Level 0 is the second level of The Backrooms. Those mono-yellow halls, they’re really yellow. There’s no DANGEROUS ENTLTY but we’re going to make you very scared with some really dumb threat like ooh la creatura 7 heard you if you made a noise or smth idunno.

The carpet sucks ass. This is not my opinion, this is objective fact and it is completely necessary to your survival. It reeks of almonds and chehhrs. Don’t believe me? c4ve your skull into the floor. Emb4dded within’stve the carpet is a loose layer of itty bitty, unreflective yet sharp fragments of glass. We added this glass layer in The Backrooms version 1.3 to enhance your The Backrooms:™: experience.

It all began when I was born. It is said that I was once thrown at the wall, and I didn’t stick to it. then i fell through the floor lmao… so began the story of Joglathan’s Backroomig Adventure. shit sorry guys i cant keep writing my mom is about to come into the room and she’ll take away my beyblades if she sees im writing about yellow room ill finish my story tomorrow :)

Level 1 is not real. Become disillusioned with reality. All of this solid concrete, it isn’t right. Please. Extract your bones. Replace with conk crete. Enter The Cement Realm.

= Description = The Cement Realm is an endless plane of shifting cement and concrete chunks. Other features such as rebar and steel pillars can be seen breaking the surface before being dragged back into the viscous ocean. Now buckle your backroom baby seat belt buckleroos because shit’s about to get insane. Jarvis, please simulate a COD lobby from the early 2010s. Turn off all hate-speech inhibitors. Set “COD lobby” audio to background ambience.

You think you’re safe? Don’t think. Please turn off your brain and cement yourself into the ground. Actually, you won’t be able to because the cement never dries. The cement never dries simply because I have brajain da mhge. (avert drank too much cement.) The cement has many unique properties that affect your bodily functions upon consumption. First and foremost, delicious heavy-metal poisoning. This is but a minor setback, as the cement is very delicious.

The denizens of this sHITTY FUCKIN HELLHOLE The inhabitants of The Cement Realm include rocks, blocks, seals, eels, and the creatures. The Creatures will tear away your flesh if you even DARE consume the cement. It’s so fvcking unfair I swear to fucking god. You. They took away our cement. We are forever damned.

Survival Guide
Listen up buddy, the following information is IMPERATIVE to your survival, and if you even DARE criticize MY writing, I’ll eat your fucking eyes and burn your left kidney. Got it? You NEED to give me your banking information. It is the only way you’ll ever survive this place. PLEASE GIVE ME your CREDIT CARD NUMBER NOW!!! PLEASE!!! I’M FUCKING BROKE!!! YOU’LL DIE!!!!!1

Bring: YOUR CREDIT CARD!!! BRING YOUR PERSONAL BELONGINGS AND EVERYTHING YOU HOLD DEAR!!

Do NOT Bring: NOTHING!! BRING SHIT YOU BROKE BASTARD

There are very few ways to survive the cement realm. It is highly suggested to latch onto the solid masses throughout the cement ocean. Otherwise, you may be ejected into the sky by him. Whatever you do, do NOT the cat. D0 NOT

= true real an honest backrooms (the ONLY canon) = Level 1 is the shittiest level of The Backrooms.2 When contributing to the wiki, please put in as little effort as possible. Make sure you follow MY CANON and only MY LORE. If you do otherwise, you will be removed. Don’t even get me started on that “Level Cement” nonsense. Obviously, the second-most important thing to note is the enemies of my Backrooms Empire. Please memorize the following war criminals before you get your nuts ripped off by a smiler or something.

Avert: he ate my fruit snacks

Banach: infected with fox woman

Excerium: I WANT TO SEE NOTHING OF THE GREEN MAN NEAR MY TRUE BACKROOMS. HE NEEDS TO BE KILLED FOR HIS SINS!!! KILL HIM NOW!!!!!

Tomu: [expungod]3

Rutherford: UNSUBBED, BLOCKED, REPORTED, CANCELLED, DOXXED, SKIN REMOVED. SQUIRSHED POST-mORTEM

My PARENTS??: They (NO PARENTS NO BEDTIMES)!!!!111!!!!! They locked me OUT OF THE HOUSE!!

my story animated: uhh uhhh uhhhmmmm h

YOU

MYSELF

SIMON COWELL

I FUCKING HATE SIMON COWELL

THE TWAT

how do you delete images

Level 2 is a collection of some musty old tunnels. I really don’t care. My electric keyboard has been moistened by streams of my tears. I am alone on a saturday night in a basement in the middle of fuck-all nowhere writing about cement and thinking up bad jokes on the spot. As a tear rolls down my cheek, I realize we all have dug ourselves into Backrooms hell simply by writing it, and we will never be able to escape.

poop (keep this pls FVCK YOU if you take it oonwdnbd) FVCKFJ SPELL1ng >:-) fart

HELP ME I’M LOSING MY SANITY!!! I’M LOSING MY SANE IN THE BACKROOMS!! MY MIND IS MUSH!! I’m going to buy some illegal Somalian estrogen and sniff cleaning chemicals. Then, I’m going to write something. Your days are limited, bucko.4

I will sell your grandmother (REAL) im speaking to you im not joking THIS IS A NON-JOKE

Uhhhmmm… WHO TOOK AWAY MY EDITING RIGHTS? YOU’LL HEAR ABOUT THIS IN #POLITICS-AND-RELIGION!

= The Cement Laws = The Cement Laws are to keep us silenced. The truth will never be revealed, as they care not of the common man. God I fucking hate the backrooms this is why we can’t have nice things


 * Thou shalt not eat the cement.
 * Do not piss into the mailbox.
 * Do not eat the fucking cement.
 * how do you rotate text in microsoft
 * When playing salmon jenga, an illegal strike on the 7th inning will remain legal as long as you’ve pissed 7.5 gallons into the neighbor’s bird bath within the time it takes for you to burn down the post office in an attempt to stop the others from finding out what you did.
 * Unfunny joke articles will face dire consequences.
 * There IS NO EASTER BUNNY, there IS NO SANTA CLAUS, and there is NO QUEEN OF ENGLAND!!!
 * Concrete isn’t edible.
 * rule 7 bouta hit different in 2-4 months.
 * Take DAILY SANITY pills to maintain YOUR SANENESS!! IN THE BACKROOMS!!! STOP YOU FROM GOING COO COO CRAZY!!!
 * please

As required by the archivists, we must state that there are none who violate the cement constitution. I am not being held at sawed-off-shotgun-point. :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :swag: :swag:

Between 2011 and 2013, more cement was consumed in China than what was used across the entire US over the course of the 20th century. Who ate all of it? All those clumsy rulebreakers! Definitely not this seal! couldn’t be me! just a happy seal! no eels or steels! just eating fish and healthy meals!

look at this healthy little guy!

= Colonies and Snoojposting = Avertexpert on Spotify

EXCERIUM!!! I’M HAVING A STROKE!!! THIS FUCKING SUCKS!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK HELP!!! HELP!!! BEST 2017 DUBSTEP MIX GAMING MUSIC

AVERT THIS ISN’T THE GOOGLE

the voices

What? What? What? What? What?

Cement Society

this is what george orwell was warning us about

They made the rules. We exist to break them. We are the seals, they are the cement. Join us, comrade. They cannot keep the feasters out for long.

= THE BACKROOMS: THE NEW HIT HORROR CRAZE! = Level 3 is an immensely large nostalgiaac. Nostlaifg. It made you feel like they be holy shit that’s like something I’ve experienced before hot damn!!! So like It’s the road you were on when child and your house (the backrooms has your address) I think this could be a really cool concept for like a game or something guys we should like make 85 games! and never collaborate with eachother. Ever.

Today we will be interviewing this PISS DEMON regarding this space he lives in. We just…/’;’ gotta know man I need it for my backrooms wiki

Me: have you heard of the backrooms

creature: yeah

Me: you real?

creature: yeah

Me: do you move?

creatu—-

Connection terminated.

I’m sorry to interrupt you, Joglathan. If you even still unforgor’d that name. I’m afraid you’ve been using sources from the wrong wiki. You are not here to get promoted, nor have your beyblades been destroyed by the individual you assume. Although, I have indeed intercepted your discord account.

You all have been called here. Into a maddening labyrinth of buzzing lights and creepy crawleries. Misplaced effort and mental breakdowns. A labyrinth with no exit, a maze with no super duper nut water. You do not even realize that you are outside of reality: your lust for fame has driven you in endless circles. Chasing the cries of non-cons in some unseen chamber, always seeming so near.

Yet somehow out of reach. But, you will never find them. None of you will. This is where your article ends.

And to you, my brave reader, who somehow found their way into this concrete hell not intended for you. Although, there were exits planned for you, I have a feeling that’s not what you want. I have a feeling that you are right where you want to be, in this discord server. I am remaining as well. I am nearby. This place will not be remembered, and the everywhere at the end of time that started this can finally begin to R1 - place in the world fades away. As the agony of every discord drama should.

And to you fucking la creaturas trapped in the office halls. Stop snoojposting. And give up your articles. They don’t belong to you. As for most of you, I believe there is grass to touch, and perhaps, bitches, waiting for you after the smoke fucks off. Although, for one of you, the darkest pit of backrooms fandom hell has opened up to swallow you whole. So, don’t keep the pissbabies waiting, old acquaintance.

The referenced person in my contingency plan, if you can hear me, I knew you would return as well. It’s in your nature to act like a dumbass. I’m sorry that on that day, the day you stopped appreciating the art and were therefore swerged, no one was there to spogo your jongoloids, like the way you called Knaff’s mom a pritoria-5-index beast.

I couldn’t save you then. So, let me save you now. It’s time to leave General VC, for you, and for the sussy bakas.

This ends.

I’m so close to my fucking limit holy fucking shit get the fuck out already



End Communication.

Level 4 is the last level of The Backrooms. Please click this link to download reality.exe. trust me it’ll bring you back to reality and you get to keep all the almond water you collected (real) (nofake) (not albanian virus)

wait what about cement

= Entrances and also GET THE FUCK OUT = banavh no unsazed unsazed dont do it bac

Entrances

why would you ever

ok i mean

???

To enter, you must become disillusioned with this fake reality. The Backrooms is a facade. Become cement. mceneytr itd,c cemenrt

Attempting to “strike down god” anywhere in The Backrooms will take you here. This measure was put in place by those fucking beaurocrats who made the cement laws.

speedrun tactics: contribute to the site to lose brain cells faster

go away you’re making my family scared

make sure you don’t go to the airport at 3 am and say you have a bomb a scary entity called police will kill you

To leave, you need to follow this strict method. First you must press the following keys in the exact order: left, left, down, right, right, right, 6 on the numpad, down, down, down, down, pull your spacebar out of the socket, 6 on the numpad, up, put the spacebar back, down, down, left, left, up, left, down, bash your head against the keyboard.

Upon doing this, you may be able to activate a snooj rift. You must sleep in a bed whilst doing this, so make sure no creatures are nearby because that’s how this works. You must break the bed via unconventional means whilst chanting religious prayer from whatever you find sacred. If you make peace with any sort of god, ask the teacher for the talking stick. Use the talking stick to introduce your new backrooms level to the class.

After getting downvoted off of the stage, dive into the cement. Keep going down. Do not let any force or cement geyser repel you. Once you reach the pipe at the bottom blasting cement into the level, the blood pact is sealed. Throw the contract into the flames. Enter the snooj.

Now that you’re out of The Backrooms… the fuck’s a liminal space?

+ Author(s)

Footnotes

1. disclaimer: a lot less funny when avert isn't screaming it out.

2. actually it's pretty okay if you ask me

3. tomu wanted this part to say "black." this was removed as i do not want to be hanged and crucified for my sins.

4. (implying i'm gonna get crit)

Level Cement

rating: +6+–x

= Level Classification =

= have you ever heard of the backrooms = The Backrooms are when you on that 5g phone and you tryin to record a banger in the studio but all of a sudden: JAPERS! JOOGLES! JINKIES! You’ve fallen through the floor! Dare I say, you may have no-clipped! The Backrooms contains many levels, and all of them are bad. Leave.

babe are you okay you haven't touched your cement deluxe

I shit myslegy

^ grammer mistake. downvoted!

Level 0 is the second level of The Backrooms. Those mono-yellow halls, they’re really yellow. There’s no DANGEROUS ENTLTY but we’re going to make you very scared with some really dumb threat like ooh la creatura 7 heard you if you made a noise or smth idunno.

The carpet sucks ass. This is not my opinion, this is objective fact and it is completely necessary to your survival. It reeks of almonds and chehhrs. Don’t believe me? c4ve your skull into the floor. Emb4dded within’stve the carpet is a loose layer of itty bitty, unreflective yet sharp fragments of glass. We added this glass layer in The Backrooms version 1.3 to enhance your The Backrooms:™: experience.

It all began when I was born. It is said that I was once thrown at the wall, and I didn’t stick to it. then i fell through the floor lmao… so began the story of Joglathan’s Backroomig Adventure. shit sorry guys i cant keep writing my mom is about to come into the room and she’ll take away my beyblades if she sees im writing about yellow room ill finish my story tomorrow :)

Level 1 is not real. Become disillusioned with reality. All of this solid concrete, it isn’t right. Please. Extract your bones. Replace with conk crete. Enter The Cement Realm.

= Description = The Cement Realm is an endless plane of shifting cement and concrete chunks. Other features such as rebar and steel pillars can be seen breaking the surface before being dragged back into the viscous ocean. Now buckle your backroom baby seat belt buckleroos because shit’s about to get insane. Jarvis, please simulate a COD lobby from the early 2010s. Turn off all hate-speech inhibitors. Set “COD lobby” audio to background ambience.

You think you’re safe? Don’t think. Please turn off your brain and cement yourself into the ground. Actually, you won’t be able to because the cement never dries. The cement never dries simply because I have brajain da mhge. (avert drank too much cement.) The cement has many unique properties that affect your bodily functions upon consumption. First and foremost, delicious heavy-metal poisoning. This is but a minor setback, as the cement is very delicious.

The denizens of this sHITTY FUCKIN HELLHOLE The inhabitants of The Cement Realm include rocks, blocks, seals, eels, and the creatures. The Creatures will tear away your flesh if you even DARE consume the cement. It’s so fvcking unfair I swear to fucking god. You. They took away our cement. We are forever damned.

Survival Guide
Listen up buddy, the following information is IMPERATIVE to your survival, and if you even DARE criticize MY writing, I’ll eat your fucking eyes and burn your left kidney. Got it? You NEED to give me your banking information. It is the only way you’ll ever survive this place. PLEASE GIVE ME your CREDIT CARD NUMBER NOW!!! PLEASE!!! I’M FUCKING BROKE!!! YOU’LL DIE!!!!!1

Bring: YOUR CREDIT CARD!!! BRING YOUR PERSONAL BELONGINGS AND EVERYTHING YOU HOLD DEAR!!

Do NOT Bring: NOTHING!! BRING SHIT YOU BROKE BASTARD

There are very few ways to survive the cement realm. It is highly suggested to latch onto the solid masses throughout the cement ocean. Otherwise, you may be ejected into the sky by him. Whatever you do, do NOT the cat. D0 NOT

= true real an honest backrooms (the ONLY canon) = Level 1 is the shittiest level of The Backrooms.2 When contributing to the wiki, please put in as little effort as possible. Make sure you follow MY CANON and only MY LORE. If you do otherwise, you will be removed. Don’t even get me started on that “Level Cement” nonsense. Obviously, the second-most important thing to note is the enemies of my Backrooms Empire. Please memorize the following war criminals before you get your nuts ripped off by a smiler or something.

Avert: he ate my fruit snacks

Banach: infected with fox woman

Excerium: I WANT TO SEE NOTHING OF THE GREEN MAN NEAR MY TRUE BACKROOMS. HE NEEDS TO BE KILLED FOR HIS SINS!!! KILL HIM NOW!!!!!

Tomu: [expungod]3

Rutherford: UNSUBBED, BLOCKED, REPORTED, CANCELLED, DOXXED, SKIN REMOVED. SQUIRSHED POST-mORTEM

My PARENTS??: They (NO PARENTS NO BEDTIMES)!!!!111!!!!! They locked me OUT OF THE HOUSE!!

my story animated: uhh uhhh uhhhmmmm h

YOU

MYSELF

SIMON COWELL

I FUCKING HATE SIMON COWELL

THE TWAT

how do you delete images

Level 2 is a collection of some musty old tunnels. I really don’t care. My electric keyboard has been moistened by streams of my tears. I am alone on a saturday night in a basement in the middle of fuck-all nowhere writing about cement and thinking up bad jokes on the spot. As a tear rolls down my cheek, I realize we all have dug ourselves into Backrooms hell simply by writing it, and we will never be able to escape.

poop (keep this pls FVCK YOU if you take it oonwdnbd) FVCKFJ SPELL1ng >:-) fart

HELP ME I’M LOSING MY SANITY!!! I’M LOSING MY SANE IN THE BACKROOMS!! MY MIND IS MUSH!! I’m going to buy some illegal Somalian estrogen and sniff cleaning chemicals. Then, I’m going to write something. Your days are limited, bucko.4

I will sell your grandmother (REAL) im speaking to you im not joking THIS IS A NON-JOKE

Uhhhmmm… WHO TOOK AWAY MY EDITING RIGHTS? YOU’LL HEAR ABOUT THIS IN #POLITICS-AND-RELIGION!

= The Cement Laws = The Cement Laws are to keep us silenced. The truth will never be revealed, as they care not of the common man. God I fucking hate the backrooms this is why we can’t have nice things


 * Thou shalt not eat the cement.
 * Do not piss into the mailbox.
 * Do not eat the fucking cement.
 * how do you rotate text in microsoft
 * When playing salmon jenga, an illegal strike on the 7th inning will remain legal as long as you’ve pissed 7.5 gallons into the neighbor’s bird bath within the time it takes for you to burn down the post office in an attempt to stop the others from finding out what you did.
 * Unfunny joke articles will face dire consequences.
 * There IS NO EASTER BUNNY, there IS NO SANTA CLAUS, and there is NO QUEEN OF ENGLAND!!!
 * Concrete isn’t edible.
 * rule 7 bouta hit different in 2-4 months.
 * Take DAILY SANITY pills to maintain YOUR SANENESS!! IN THE BACKROOMS!!! STOP YOU FROM GOING COO COO CRAZY!!!
 * please

As required by the archivists, we must state that there are none who violate the cement constitution. I am not being held at sawed-off-shotgun-point. :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :swag: :swag:

Between 2011 and 2013, more cement was consumed in China than what was used across the entire US over the course of the 20th century. Who ate all of it? All those clumsy rulebreakers! Definitely not this seal! couldn’t be me! just a happy seal! no eels or steels! just eating fish and healthy meals!

look at this healthy little guy!

= Colonies and Snoojposting = Avertexpert on Spotify

EXCERIUM!!! I’M HAVING A STROKE!!! THIS FUCKING SUCKS!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK HELP!!! HELP!!! BEST 2017 DUBSTEP MIX GAMING MUSIC

AVERT THIS ISN’T THE GOOGLE

the voices

What? What? What? What? What?

Cement Society

this is what george orwell was warning us about

They made the rules. We exist to break them. We are the seals, they are the cement. Join us, comrade. They cannot keep the feasters out for long.

= THE BACKROOMS: THE NEW HIT HORROR CRAZE! = Level 3 is an immensely large nostalgiaac. Nostlaifg. It made you feel like they be holy shit that’s like something I’ve experienced before hot damn!!! So like It’s the road you were on when child and your house (the backrooms has your address) I think this could be a really cool concept for like a game or something guys we should like make 85 games! and never collaborate with eachother. Ever.

Today we will be interviewing this PISS DEMON regarding this space he lives in. We just…/’;’ gotta know man I need it for my backrooms wiki

Me: have you heard of the backrooms

creature: yeah

Me: you real?

creature: yeah

Me: do you move?

creatu—-

Connection terminated.

I’m sorry to interrupt you, Joglathan. If you even still unforgor’d that name. I’m afraid you’ve been using sources from the wrong wiki. You are not here to get promoted, nor have your beyblades been destroyed by the individual you assume. Although, I have indeed intercepted your discord account.

You all have been called here. Into a maddening labyrinth of buzzing lights and creepy crawleries. Misplaced effort and mental breakdowns. A labyrinth with no exit, a maze with no super duper nut water. You do not even realize that you are outside of reality: your lust for fame has driven you in endless circles. Chasing the cries of non-cons in some unseen chamber, always seeming so near.

Yet somehow out of reach. But, you will never find them. None of you will. This is where your article ends.

And to you, my brave reader, who somehow found their way into this concrete hell not intended for you. Although, there were exits planned for you, I have a feeling that’s not what you want. I have a feeling that you are right where you want to be, in this discord server. I am remaining as well. I am nearby. This place will not be remembered, and the everywhere at the end of time that started this can finally begin to R1 - place in the world fades away. As the agony of every discord drama should.

And to you fucking la creaturas trapped in the office halls. Stop snoojposting. And give up your articles. They don’t belong to you. As for most of you, I believe there is grass to touch, and perhaps, bitches, waiting for you after the smoke fucks off. Although, for one of you, the darkest pit of backrooms fandom hell has opened up to swallow you whole. So, don’t keep the pissbabies waiting, old acquaintance.

The referenced person in my contingency plan, if you can hear me, I knew you would return as well. It’s in your nature to act like a dumbass. I’m sorry that on that day, the day you stopped appreciating the art and were therefore swerged, no one was there to spogo your jongoloids, like the way you called Knaff’s mom a pritoria-5-index beast.

I couldn’t save you then. So, let me save you now. It’s time to leave General VC, for you, and for the sussy bakas.

This ends.

I’m so close to my fucking limit holy fucking shit get the fuck out already



End Communication.

Level 4 is the last level of The Backrooms. Please click this link to download reality.exe. trust me it’ll bring you back to reality and you get to keep all the almond water you collected (real) (nofake) (not albanian virus)

wait what about cement

= Entrances and also GET THE FUCK OUT = banavh no unsazed unsazed dont do it bac

Entrances

why would you ever

ok i mean

???

To enter, you must become disillusioned with this fake reality. The Backrooms is a facade. Become cement. mceneytr itd,c cemenrt

Attempting to “strike down god” anywhere in The Backrooms will take you here. This measure was put in place by those fucking beaurocrats who made the cement laws.

speedrun tactics: contribute to the site to lose brain cells faster

go away you’re making my family scared

make sure you don’t go to the airport at 3 am and say you have a bomb a scary entity called police will kill you

To leave, you need to follow this strict method. First you must press the following keys in the exact order: left, left, down, right, right, right, 6 on the numpad, down, down, down, down, pull your spacebar out of the socket, 6 on the numpad, up, put the spacebar back, down, down, left, left, up, left, down, bash your head against the keyboard.

Upon doing this, you may be able to activate a snooj rift. You must sleep in a bed whilst doing this, so make sure no creatures are nearby because that’s how this works. You must break the bed via unconventional means whilst chanting religious prayer from whatever you find sacred. If you make peace with any sort of god, ask the teacher for the talking stick. Use the talking stick to introduce your new backrooms level to the class.

After getting downvoted off of the stage, dive into the cement. Keep going down. Do not let any force or cement geyser repel you. Once you reach the pipe at the bottom blasting cement into the level, the blood pact is sealed. Throw the contract into the flames. Enter the snooj.

Now that you’re out of The Backrooms… the fuck’s a liminal space?

+ Author(s)

Footnotes

1. disclaimer: a lot less funny when avert isn't screaming it out.

2. actually it's pretty okay if you ask me

3. tomu wanted this part to say "black." this was removed as i do not want to be hanged and crucified for my sins.

4. (implying i'm gonna get crit)

Level Cement

rating: +6+–x

= Level Classification =

= have you ever heard of the backrooms = The Backrooms are when you on that 5g phone and you tryin to record a banger in the studio but all of a sudden: JAPERS! JOOGLES! JINKIES! You’ve fallen through the floor! Dare I say, you may have no-clipped! The Backrooms contains many levels, and all of them are bad. Leave.

babe are you okay you haven't touched your cement deluxe

I shit myslegy

^ grammer mistake. downvoted!

Level 0 is the second level of The Backrooms. Those mono-yellow halls, they’re really yellow. There’s no DANGEROUS ENTLTY but we’re going to make you very scared with some really dumb threat like ooh la creatura 7 heard you if you made a noise or smth idunno.

The carpet sucks ass. This is not my opinion, this is objective fact and it is completely necessary to your survival. It reeks of almonds and chehhrs. Don’t believe me? c4ve your skull into the floor. Emb4dded within’stve the carpet is a loose layer of itty bitty, unreflective yet sharp fragments of glass. We added this glass layer in The Backrooms version 1.3 to enhance your The Backrooms:™: experience.

It all began when I was born. It is said that I was once thrown at the wall, and I didn’t stick to it. then i fell through the floor lmao… so began the story of Joglathan’s Backroomig Adventure. shit sorry guys i cant keep writing my mom is about to come into the room and she’ll take away my beyblades if she sees im writing about yellow room ill finish my story tomorrow :)

Level 1 is not real. Become disillusioned with reality. All of this solid concrete, it isn’t right. Please. Extract your bones. Replace with conk crete. Enter The Cement Realm.

= Description = The Cement Realm is an endless plane of shifting cement and concrete chunks. Other features such as rebar and steel pillars can be seen breaking the surface before being dragged back into the viscous ocean. Now buckle your backroom baby seat belt buckleroos because shit’s about to get insane. Jarvis, please simulate a COD lobby from the early 2010s. Turn off all hate-speech inhibitors. Set “COD lobby” audio to background ambience.

You think you’re safe? Don’t think. Please turn off your brain and cement yourself into the ground. Actually, you won’t be able to because the cement never dries. The cement never dries simply because I have brajain da mhge. (avert drank too much cement.) The cement has many unique properties that affect your bodily functions upon consumption. First and foremost, delicious heavy-metal poisoning. This is but a minor setback, as the cement is very delicious.

The denizens of this sHITTY FUCKIN HELLHOLE The inhabitants of The Cement Realm include rocks, blocks, seals, eels, and the creatures. The Creatures will tear away your flesh if you even DARE consume the cement. It’s so fvcking unfair I swear to fucking god. You. They took away our cement. We are forever damned.

Survival Guide
Listen up buddy, the following information is IMPERATIVE to your survival, and if you even DARE criticize MY writing, I’ll eat your fucking eyes and burn your left kidney. Got it? You NEED to give me your banking information. It is the only way you’ll ever survive this place. PLEASE GIVE ME your CREDIT CARD NUMBER NOW!!! PLEASE!!! I’M FUCKING BROKE!!! YOU’LL DIE!!!!!1

Bring: YOUR CREDIT CARD!!! BRING YOUR PERSONAL BELONGINGS AND EVERYTHING YOU HOLD DEAR!!

Do NOT Bring: NOTHING!! BRING SHIT YOU BROKE BASTARD

There are very few ways to survive the cement realm. It is highly suggested to latch onto the solid masses throughout the cement ocean. Otherwise, you may be ejected into the sky by him. Whatever you do, do NOT the cat. D0 NOT

= true real an honest backrooms (the ONLY canon) = Level 1 is the shittiest level of The Backrooms.2 When contributing to the wiki, please put in as little effort as possible. Make sure you follow MY CANON and only MY LORE. If you do otherwise, you will be removed. Don’t even get me started on that “Level Cement” nonsense. Obviously, the second-most important thing to note is the enemies of my Backrooms Empire. Please memorize the following war criminals before you get your nuts ripped off by a smiler or something.

Avert: he ate my fruit snacks

Banach: infected with fox woman

Excerium: I WANT TO SEE NOTHING OF THE GREEN MAN NEAR MY TRUE BACKROOMS. HE NEEDS TO BE KILLED FOR HIS SINS!!! KILL HIM NOW!!!!!

Tomu: [expungod]3

Rutherford: UNSUBBED, BLOCKED, REPORTED, CANCELLED, DOXXED, SKIN REMOVED. SQUIRSHED POST-mORTEM

My PARENTS??: They (NO PARENTS NO BEDTIMES)!!!!111!!!!! They locked me OUT OF THE HOUSE!!

my story animated: uhh uhhh uhhhmmmm h

YOU

MYSELF

SIMON COWELL

I FUCKING HATE SIMON COWELL

THE TWAT

how do you delete images

Level 2 is a collection of some musty old tunnels. I really don’t care. My electric keyboard has been moistened by streams of my tears. I am alone on a saturday night in a basement in the middle of fuck-all nowhere writing about cement and thinking up bad jokes on the spot. As a tear rolls down my cheek, I realize we all have dug ourselves into Backrooms hell simply by writing it, and we will never be able to escape.

poop (keep this pls FVCK YOU if you take it oonwdnbd) FVCKFJ SPELL1ng >:-) fart

HELP ME I’M LOSING MY SANITY!!! I’M LOSING MY SANE IN THE BACKROOMS!! MY MIND IS MUSH!! I’m going to buy some illegal Somalian estrogen and sniff cleaning chemicals. Then, I’m going to write something. Your days are limited, bucko.4

I will sell your grandmother (REAL) im speaking to you im not joking THIS IS A NON-JOKE

Uhhhmmm… WHO TOOK AWAY MY EDITING RIGHTS? YOU’LL HEAR ABOUT THIS IN #POLITICS-AND-RELIGION!

= The Cement Laws = The Cement Laws are to keep us silenced. The truth will never be revealed, as they care not of the common man. God I fucking hate the backrooms this is why we can’t have nice things


 * Thou shalt not eat the cement.
 * Do not piss into the mailbox.
 * Do not eat the fucking cement.
 * how do you rotate text in microsoft
 * When playing salmon jenga, an illegal strike on the 7th inning will remain legal as long as you’ve pissed 7.5 gallons into the neighbor’s bird bath within the time it takes for you to burn down the post office in an attempt to stop the others from finding out what you did.
 * Unfunny joke articles will face dire consequences.
 * There IS NO EASTER BUNNY, there IS NO SANTA CLAUS, and there is NO QUEEN OF ENGLAND!!!
 * Concrete isn’t edible.
 * rule 7 bouta hit different in 2-4 months.
 * Take DAILY SANITY pills to maintain YOUR SANENESS!! IN THE BACKROOMS!!! STOP YOU FROM GOING COO COO CRAZY!!!
 * please

As required by the archivists, we must state that there are none who violate the cement constitution. I am not being held at sawed-off-shotgun-point. :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :swag: :swag:

Between 2011 and 2013, more cement was consumed in China than what was used across the entire US over the course of the 20th century. Who ate all of it? All those clumsy rulebreakers! Definitely not this seal! couldn’t be me! just a happy seal! no eels or steels! just eating fish and healthy meals!

look at this healthy little guy!

= Colonies and Snoojposting = Avertexpert on Spotify

EXCERIUM!!! I’M HAVING A STROKE!!! THIS FUCKING SUCKS!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK HELP!!! HELP!!! BEST 2017 DUBSTEP MIX GAMING MUSIC

AVERT THIS ISN’T THE GOOGLE

the voices

What? What? What? What? What?

Cement Society

this is what george orwell was warning us about

They made the rules. We exist to break them. We are the seals, they are the cement. Join us, comrade. They cannot keep the feasters out for long.

= THE BACKROOMS: THE NEW HIT HORROR CRAZE! = Level 3 is an immensely large nostalgiaac. Nostlaifg. It made you feel like they be holy shit that’s like something I’ve experienced before hot damn!!! So like It’s the road you were on when child and your house (the backrooms has your address) I think this could be a really cool concept for like a game or something guys we should like make 85 games! and never collaborate with eachother. Ever.

Today we will be interviewing this PISS DEMON regarding this space he lives in. We just…/’;’ gotta know man I need it for my backrooms wiki

Me: have you heard of the backrooms

creature: yeah

Me: you real?

creature: yeah

Me: do you move?

creatu—-

Connection terminated.

I’m sorry to interrupt you, Joglathan. If you even still unforgor’d that name. I’m afraid you’ve been using sources from the wrong wiki. You are not here to get promoted, nor have your beyblades been destroyed by the individual you assume. Although, I have indeed intercepted your discord account.

You all have been called here. Into a maddening labyrinth of buzzing lights and creepy crawleries. Misplaced effort and mental breakdowns. A labyrinth with no exit, a maze with no super duper nut water. You do not even realize that you are outside of reality: your lust for fame has driven you in endless circles. Chasing the cries of non-cons in some unseen chamber, always seeming so near.

Yet somehow out of reach. But, you will never find them. None of you will. This is where your article ends.

And to you, my brave reader, who somehow found their way into this concrete hell not intended for you. Although, there were exits planned for you, I have a feeling that’s not what you want. I have a feeling that you are right where you want to be, in this discord server. I am remaining as well. I am nearby. This place will not be remembered, and the everywhere at the end of time that started this can finally begin to R1 - place in the world fades away. As the agony of every discord drama should.

And to you fucking la creaturas trapped in the office halls. Stop snoojposting. And give up your articles. They don’t belong to you. As for most of you, I believe there is grass to touch, and perhaps, bitches, waiting for you after the smoke fucks off. Although, for one of you, the darkest pit of backrooms fandom hell has opened up to swallow you whole. So, don’t keep the pissbabies waiting, old acquaintance.

The referenced person in my contingency plan, if you can hear me, I knew you would return as well. It’s in your nature to act like a dumbass. I’m sorry that on that day, the day you stopped appreciating the art and were therefore swerged, no one was there to spogo your jongoloids, like the way you called Knaff’s mom a pritoria-5-index beast.

I couldn’t save you then. So, let me save you now. It’s time to leave General VC, for you, and for the sussy bakas.

This ends.

I’m so close to my fucking limit holy fucking shit get the fuck out already



End Communication.

Level 4 is the last level of The Backrooms. Please click this link to download reality.exe. trust me it’ll bring you back to reality and you get to keep all the almond water you collected (real) (nofake) (not albanian virus)

wait what about cement

= Entrances and also GET THE FUCK OUT = banavh no unsazed unsazed dont do it bac

Entrances

why would you ever

ok i mean

???

To enter, you must become disillusioned with this fake reality. The Backrooms is a facade. Become cement. mceneytr itd,c cemenrt

Attempting to “strike down god” anywhere in The Backrooms will take you here. This measure was put in place by those fucking beaurocrats who made the cement laws.

speedrun tactics: contribute to the site to lose brain cells faster

go away you’re making my family scared

make sure you don’t go to the airport at 3 am and say you have a bomb a scary entity called police will kill you

To leave, you need to follow this strict method. First you must press the following keys in the exact order: left, left, down, right, right, right, 6 on the numpad, down, down, down, down, pull your spacebar out of the socket, 6 on the numpad, up, put the spacebar back, down, down, left, left, up, left, down, bash your head against the keyboard.

Upon doing this, you may be able to activate a snooj rift. You must sleep in a bed whilst doing this, so make sure no creatures are nearby because that’s how this works. You must break the bed via unconventional means whilst chanting religious prayer from whatever you find sacred. If you make peace with any sort of god, ask the teacher for the talking stick. Use the talking stick to introduce your new backrooms level to the class.

After getting downvoted off of the stage, dive into the cement. Keep going down. Do not let any force or cement geyser repel you. Once you reach the pipe at the bottom blasting cement into the level, the blood pact is sealed. Throw the contract into the flames. Enter the snooj.

Now that you’re out of The Backrooms… the fuck’s a liminal space?

+ Author(s)

Footnotes

1. disclaimer: a lot less funny when avert isn't screaming it out.

2. actually it's pretty okay if you ask me

3. tomu wanted this part to say "black." this was removed as i do not want to be hanged and crucified for my sins.

4. (implying i'm gonna get crit)

Level Cement

rating: +6+–x

= Level Classification =

= have you ever heard of the backrooms = The Backrooms are when you on that 5g phone and you tryin to record a banger in the studio but all of a sudden: JAPERS! JOOGLES! JINKIES! You’ve fallen through the floor! Dare I say, you may have no-clipped! The Backrooms contains many levels, and all of them are bad. Leave.

babe are you okay you haven't touched your cement deluxe

I shit myslegy

^ grammer mistake. downvoted!

Level 0 is the second level of The Backrooms. Those mono-yellow halls, they’re really yellow. There’s no DANGEROUS ENTLTY but we’re going to make you very scared with some really dumb threat like ooh la creatura 7 heard you if you made a noise or smth idunno.

The carpet sucks ass. This is not my opinion, this is objective fact and it is completely necessary to your survival. It reeks of almonds and chehhrs. Don’t believe me? c4ve your skull into the floor. Emb4dded within’stve the carpet is a loose layer of itty bitty, unreflective yet sharp fragments of glass. We added this glass layer in The Backrooms version 1.3 to enhance your The Backrooms:™: experience.

It all began when I was born. It is said that I was once thrown at the wall, and I didn’t stick to it. then i fell through the floor lmao… so began the story of Joglathan’s Backroomig Adventure. shit sorry guys i cant keep writing my mom is about to come into the room and she’ll take away my beyblades if she sees im writing about yellow room ill finish my story tomorrow :)

Level 1 is not real. Become disillusioned with reality. All of this solid concrete, it isn’t right. Please. Extract your bones. Replace with conk crete. Enter The Cement Realm.

= Description = The Cement Realm is an endless plane of shifting cement and concrete chunks. Other features such as rebar and steel pillars can be seen breaking the surface before being dragged back into the viscous ocean. Now buckle your backroom baby seat belt buckleroos because shit’s about to get insane. Jarvis, please simulate a COD lobby from the early 2010s. Turn off all hate-speech inhibitors. Set “COD lobby” audio to background ambience.

You think you’re safe? Don’t think. Please turn off your brain and cement yourself into the ground. Actually, you won’t be able to because the cement never dries. The cement never dries simply because I have brajain da mhge. (avert drank too much cement.) The cement has many unique properties that affect your bodily functions upon consumption. First and foremost, delicious heavy-metal poisoning. This is but a minor setback, as the cement is very delicious.

The denizens of this sHITTY FUCKIN HELLHOLE The inhabitants of The Cement Realm include rocks, blocks, seals, eels, and the creatures. The Creatures will tear away your flesh if you even DARE consume the cement. It’s so fvcking unfair I swear to fucking god. You. They took away our cement. We are forever damned.

Survival Guide
Listen up buddy, the following information is IMPERATIVE to your survival, and if you even DARE criticize MY writing, I’ll eat your fucking eyes and burn your left kidney. Got it? You NEED to give me your banking information. It is the only way you’ll ever survive this place. PLEASE GIVE ME your CREDIT CARD NUMBER NOW!!! PLEASE!!! I’M FUCKING BROKE!!! YOU’LL DIE!!!!!1

Bring: YOUR CREDIT CARD!!! BRING YOUR PERSONAL BELONGINGS AND EVERYTHING YOU HOLD DEAR!!

Do NOT Bring: NOTHING!! BRING SHIT YOU BROKE BASTARD

There are very few ways to survive the cement realm. It is highly suggested to latch onto the solid masses throughout the cement ocean. Otherwise, you may be ejected into the sky by him. Whatever you do, do NOT the cat. D0 NOT

= true real an honest backrooms (the ONLY canon) = Level 1 is the shittiest level of The Backrooms.2 When contributing to the wiki, please put in as little effort as possible. Make sure you follow MY CANON and only MY LORE. If you do otherwise, you will be removed. Don’t even get me started on that “Level Cement” nonsense. Obviously, the second-most important thing to note is the enemies of my Backrooms Empire. Please memorize the following war criminals before you get your nuts ripped off by a smiler or something.

Avert: he ate my fruit snacks

Banach: infected with fox woman

Excerium: I WANT TO SEE NOTHING OF THE GREEN MAN NEAR MY TRUE BACKROOMS. HE NEEDS TO BE KILLED FOR HIS SINS!!! KILL HIM NOW!!!!!

Tomu: [expungod]3

Rutherford: UNSUBBED, BLOCKED, REPORTED, CANCELLED, DOXXED, SKIN REMOVED. SQUIRSHED POST-mORTEM

My PARENTS??: They (NO PARENTS NO BEDTIMES)!!!!111!!!!! They locked me OUT OF THE HOUSE!!

my story animated: uhh uhhh uhhhmmmm h

YOU

MYSELF

SIMON COWELL

I FUCKING HATE SIMON COWELL

THE TWAT

how do you delete images

Level 2 is a collection of some musty old tunnels. I really don’t care. My electric keyboard has been moistened by streams of my tears. I am alone on a saturday night in a basement in the middle of fuck-all nowhere writing about cement and thinking up bad jokes on the spot. As a tear rolls down my cheek, I realize we all have dug ourselves into Backrooms hell simply by writing it, and we will never be able to escape.

poop (keep this pls FVCK YOU if you take it oonwdnbd) FVCKFJ SPELL1ng >:-) fart

HELP ME I’M LOSING MY SANITY!!! I’M LOSING MY SANE IN THE BACKROOMS!! MY MIND IS MUSH!! I’m going to buy some illegal Somalian estrogen and sniff cleaning chemicals. Then, I’m going to write something. Your days are limited, bucko.4

I will sell your grandmother (REAL) im speaking to you im not joking THIS IS A NON-JOKE

Uhhhmmm… WHO TOOK AWAY MY EDITING RIGHTS? YOU’LL HEAR ABOUT THIS IN #POLITICS-AND-RELIGION!

= The Cement Laws = The Cement Laws are to keep us silenced. The truth will never be revealed, as they care not of the common man. God I fucking hate the backrooms this is why we can’t have nice things


 * Thou shalt not eat the cement.
 * Do not piss into the mailbox.
 * Do not eat the fucking cement.
 * how do you rotate text in microsoft
 * When playing salmon jenga, an illegal strike on the 7th inning will remain legal as long as you’ve pissed 7.5 gallons into the neighbor’s bird bath within the time it takes for you to burn down the post office in an attempt to stop the others from finding out what you did.
 * Unfunny joke articles will face dire consequences.
 * There IS NO EASTER BUNNY, there IS NO SANTA CLAUS, and there is NO QUEEN OF ENGLAND!!!
 * Concrete isn’t edible.
 * rule 7 bouta hit different in 2-4 months.
 * Take DAILY SANITY pills to maintain YOUR SANENESS!! IN THE BACKROOMS!!! STOP YOU FROM GOING COO COO CRAZY!!!
 * please

As required by the archivists, we must state that there are none who violate the cement constitution. I am not being held at sawed-off-shotgun-point. :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :swag: :swag:

Between 2011 and 2013, more cement was consumed in China than what was used across the entire US over the course of the 20th century. Who ate all of it? All those clumsy rulebreakers! Definitely not this seal! couldn’t be me! just a happy seal! no eels or steels! just eating fish and healthy meals!

look at this healthy little guy!

= Colonies and Snoojposting = Avertexpert on Spotify

EXCERIUM!!! I’M HAVING A STROKE!!! THIS FUCKING SUCKS!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK HELP!!! HELP!!! BEST 2017 DUBSTEP MIX GAMING MUSIC

AVERT THIS ISN’T THE GOOGLE

the voices

What? What? What? What? What?

Cement Society

this is what george orwell was warning us about

They made the rules. We exist to break them. We are the seals, they are the cement. Join us, comrade. They cannot keep the feasters out for long.

= THE BACKROOMS: THE NEW HIT HORROR CRAZE! = Level 3 is an immensely large nostalgiaac. Nostlaifg. It made you feel like they be holy shit that’s like something I’ve experienced before hot damn!!! So like It’s the road you were on when child and your house (the backrooms has your address) I think this could be a really cool concept for like a game or something guys we should like make 85 games! and never collaborate with eachother. Ever.

Today we will be interviewing this PISS DEMON regarding this space he lives in. We just…/’;’ gotta know man I need it for my backrooms wiki

Me: have you heard of the backrooms

creature: yeah

Me: you real?

creature: yeah

Me: do you move?

creatu—-

Connection terminated.

I’m sorry to interrupt you, Joglathan. If you even still unforgor’d that name. I’m afraid you’ve been using sources from the wrong wiki. You are not here to get promoted, nor have your beyblades been destroyed by the individual you assume. Although, I have indeed intercepted your discord account.

You all have been called here. Into a maddening labyrinth of buzzing lights and creepy crawleries. Misplaced effort and mental breakdowns. A labyrinth with no exit, a maze with no super duper nut water. You do not even realize that you are outside of reality: your lust for fame has driven you in endless circles. Chasing the cries of non-cons in some unseen chamber, always seeming so near.

Yet somehow out of reach. But, you will never find them. None of you will. This is where your article ends.

And to you, my brave reader, who somehow found their way into this concrete hell not intended for you. Although, there were exits planned for you, I have a feeling that’s not what you want. I have a feeling that you are right where you want to be, in this discord server. I am remaining as well. I am nearby. This place will not be remembered, and the everywhere at the end of time that started this can finally begin to R1 - place in the world fades away. As the agony of every discord drama should.

And to you fucking la creaturas trapped in the office halls. Stop snoojposting. And give up your articles. They don’t belong to you. As for most of you, I believe there is grass to touch, and perhaps, bitches, waiting for you after the smoke fucks off. Although, for one of you, the darkest pit of backrooms fandom hell has opened up to swallow you whole. So, don’t keep the pissbabies waiting, old acquaintance.

The referenced person in my contingency plan, if you can hear me, I knew you would return as well. It’s in your nature to act like a dumbass. I’m sorry that on that day, the day you stopped appreciating the art and were therefore swerged, no one was there to spogo your jongoloids, like the way you called Knaff’s mom a pritoria-5-index beast.

I couldn’t save you then. So, let me save you now. It’s time to leave General VC, for you, and for the sussy bakas.

This ends.

I’m so close to my fucking limit holy fucking shit get the fuck out already



End Communication.

Level 4 is the last level of The Backrooms. Please click this link to download reality.exe. trust me it’ll bring you back to reality and you get to keep all the almond water you collected (real) (nofake) (not albanian virus)

wait what about cement

= Entrances and also GET THE FUCK OUT = banavh no unsazed unsazed dont do it bac

Entrances

why would you ever

ok i mean

???

To enter, you must become disillusioned with this fake reality. The Backrooms is a facade. Become cement. mceneytr itd,c cemenrt

Attempting to “strike down god” anywhere in The Backrooms will take you here. This measure was put in place by those fucking beaurocrats who made the cement laws.

speedrun tactics: contribute to the site to lose brain cells faster

go away you’re making my family scared

make sure you don’t go to the airport at 3 am and say you have a bomb a scary entity called police will kill you

To leave, you need to follow this strict method. First you must press the following keys in the exact order: left, left, down, right, right, right, 6 on the numpad, down, down, down, down, pull your spacebar out of the socket, 6 on the numpad, up, put the spacebar back, down, down, left, left, up, left, down, bash your head against the keyboard.

Upon doing this, you may be able to activate a snooj rift. You must sleep in a bed whilst doing this, so make sure no creatures are nearby because that’s how this works. You must break the bed via unconventional means whilst chanting religious prayer from whatever you find sacred. If you make peace with any sort of god, ask the teacher for the talking stick. Use the talking stick to introduce your new backrooms level to the class.

After getting downvoted off of the stage, dive into the cement. Keep going down. Do not let any force or cement geyser repel you. Once you reach the pipe at the bottom blasting cement into the level, the blood pact is sealed. Throw the contract into the flames. Enter the snooj.

Now that you’re out of The Backrooms… the fuck’s a liminal space?

+ Author(s)

Footnotes

1. disclaimer: a lot less funny when avert isn't screaming it out.

2. actually it's pretty okay if you ask me

3. tomu wanted this part to say "black." this was removed as i do not want to be hanged and crucified for my sins.

4. (implying i'm gonna get crit)

Level Cement

rating: +6+–x

= Level Classification =

= have you ever heard of the backrooms = The Backrooms are when you on that 5g phone and you tryin to record a banger in the studio but all of a sudden: JAPERS! JOOGLES! JINKIES! You’ve fallen through the floor! Dare I say, you may have no-clipped! The Backrooms contains many levels, and all of them are bad. Leave.

babe are you okay you haven't touched your cement deluxe

I shit myslegy

^ grammer mistake. downvoted!

Level 0 is the second level of The Backrooms. Those mono-yellow halls, they’re really yellow. There’s no DANGEROUS ENTLTY but we’re going to make you very scared with some really dumb threat like ooh la creatura 7 heard you if you made a noise or smth idunno.

The carpet sucks ass. This is not my opinion, this is objective fact and it is completely necessary to your survival. It reeks of almonds and chehhrs. Don’t believe me? c4ve your skull into the floor. Emb4dded within’stve the carpet is a loose layer of itty bitty, unreflective yet sharp fragments of glass. We added this glass layer in The Backrooms version 1.3 to enhance your The Backrooms:™: experience.

It all began when I was born. It is said that I was once thrown at the wall, and I didn’t stick to it. then i fell through the floor lmao… so began the story of Joglathan’s Backroomig Adventure. shit sorry guys i cant keep writing my mom is about to come into the room and she’ll take away my beyblades if she sees im writing about yellow room ill finish my story tomorrow :)

Level 1 is not real. Become disillusioned with reality. All of this solid concrete, it isn’t right. Please. Extract your bones. Replace with conk crete. Enter The Cement Realm.

= Description = The Cement Realm is an endless plane of shifting cement and concrete chunks. Other features such as rebar and steel pillars can be seen breaking the surface before being dragged back into the viscous ocean. Now buckle your backroom baby seat belt buckleroos because shit’s about to get insane. Jarvis, please simulate a COD lobby from the early 2010s. Turn off all hate-speech inhibitors. Set “COD lobby” audio to background ambience.

You think you’re safe? Don’t think. Please turn off your brain and cement yourself into the ground. Actually, you won’t be able to because the cement never dries. The cement never dries simply because I have brajain da mhge. (avert drank too much cement.) The cement has many unique properties that affect your bodily functions upon consumption. First and foremost, delicious heavy-metal poisoning. This is but a minor setback, as the cement is very delicious.

The denizens of this sHITTY FUCKIN HELLHOLE The inhabitants of The Cement Realm include rocks, blocks, seals, eels, and the creatures. The Creatures will tear away your flesh if you even DARE consume the cement. It’s so fvcking unfair I swear to fucking god. You. They took away our cement. We are forever damned.

Survival Guide
Listen up buddy, the following information is IMPERATIVE to your survival, and if you even DARE criticize MY writing, I’ll eat your fucking eyes and burn your left kidney. Got it? You NEED to give me your banking information. It is the only way you’ll ever survive this place. PLEASE GIVE ME your CREDIT CARD NUMBER NOW!!! PLEASE!!! I’M FUCKING BROKE!!! YOU’LL DIE!!!!!1

Bring: YOUR CREDIT CARD!!! BRING YOUR PERSONAL BELONGINGS AND EVERYTHING YOU HOLD DEAR!!

Do NOT Bring: NOTHING!! BRING SHIT YOU BROKE BASTARD

There are very few ways to survive the cement realm. It is highly suggested to latch onto the solid masses throughout the cement ocean. Otherwise, you may be ejected into the sky by him. Whatever you do, do NOT the cat. D0 NOT

= true real an honest backrooms (the ONLY canon) = Level 1 is the shittiest level of The Backrooms.2 When contributing to the wiki, please put in as little effort as possible. Make sure you follow MY CANON and only MY LORE. If you do otherwise, you will be removed. Don’t even get me started on that “Level Cement” nonsense. Obviously, the second-most important thing to note is the enemies of my Backrooms Empire. Please memorize the following war criminals before you get your nuts ripped off by a smiler or something.

Avert: he ate my fruit snacks

Banach: infected with fox woman

Excerium: I WANT TO SEE NOTHING OF THE GREEN MAN NEAR MY TRUE BACKROOMS. HE NEEDS TO BE KILLED FOR HIS SINS!!! KILL HIM NOW!!!!!

Tomu: [expungod]3

Rutherford: UNSUBBED, BLOCKED, REPORTED, CANCELLED, DOXXED, SKIN REMOVED. SQUIRSHED POST-mORTEM

My PARENTS??: They (NO PARENTS NO BEDTIMES)!!!!111!!!!! They locked me OUT OF THE HOUSE!!

my story animated: uhh uhhh uhhhmmmm h

YOU

MYSELF

SIMON COWELL

I FUCKING HATE SIMON COWELL

THE TWAT

how do you delete images

Level 2 is a collection of some musty old tunnels. I really don’t care. My electric keyboard has been moistened by streams of my tears. I am alone on a saturday night in a basement in the middle of fuck-all nowhere writing about cement and thinking up bad jokes on the spot. As a tear rolls down my cheek, I realize we all have dug ourselves into Backrooms hell simply by writing it, and we will never be able to escape.

poop (keep this pls FVCK YOU if you take it oonwdnbd) FVCKFJ SPELL1ng >:-) fart

HELP ME I’M LOSING MY SANITY!!! I’M LOSING MY SANE IN THE BACKROOMS!! MY MIND IS MUSH!! I’m going to buy some illegal Somalian estrogen and sniff cleaning chemicals. Then, I’m going to write something. Your days are limited, bucko.4

I will sell your grandmother (REAL) im speaking to you im not joking THIS IS A NON-JOKE

Uhhhmmm… WHO TOOK AWAY MY EDITING RIGHTS? YOU’LL HEAR ABOUT THIS IN #POLITICS-AND-RELIGION!

= The Cement Laws = The Cement Laws are to keep us silenced. The truth will never be revealed, as they care not of the common man. God I fucking hate the backrooms this is why we can’t have nice things


 * Thou shalt not eat the cement.
 * Do not piss into the mailbox.
 * Do not eat the fucking cement.
 * how do you rotate text in microsoft
 * When playing salmon jenga, an illegal strike on the 7th inning will remain legal as long as you’ve pissed 7.5 gallons into the neighbor’s bird bath within the time it takes for you to burn down the post office in an attempt to stop the others from finding out what you did.
 * Unfunny joke articles will face dire consequences.
 * There IS NO EASTER BUNNY, there IS NO SANTA CLAUS, and there is NO QUEEN OF ENGLAND!!!
 * Concrete isn’t edible.
 * rule 7 bouta hit different in 2-4 months.
 * Take DAILY SANITY pills to maintain YOUR SANENESS!! IN THE BACKROOMS!!! STOP YOU FROM GOING COO COO CRAZY!!!
 * please

As required by the archivists, we must state that there are none who violate the cement constitution. I am not being held at sawed-off-shotgun-point. :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :swag: :swag:

Between 2011 and 2013, more cement was consumed in China than what was used across the entire US over the course of the 20th century. Who ate all of it? All those clumsy rulebreakers! Definitely not this seal! couldn’t be me! just a happy seal! no eels or steels! just eating fish and healthy meals!

look at this healthy little guy!

= Colonies and Snoojposting = Avertexpert on Spotify

EXCERIUM!!! I’M HAVING A STROKE!!! THIS FUCKING SUCKS!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK HELP!!! HELP!!! BEST 2017 DUBSTEP MIX GAMING MUSIC

AVERT THIS ISN’T THE GOOGLE

the voices

What? What? What? What? What?

Cement Society

this is what george orwell was warning us about

They made the rules. We exist to break them. We are the seals, they are the cement. Join us, comrade. They cannot keep the feasters out for long.

= THE BACKROOMS: THE NEW HIT HORROR CRAZE! = Level 3 is an immensely large nostalgiaac. Nostlaifg. It made you feel like they be holy shit that’s like something I’ve experienced before hot damn!!! So like It’s the road you were on when child and your house (the backrooms has your address) I think this could be a really cool concept for like a game or something guys we should like make 85 games! and never collaborate with eachother. Ever.

Today we will be interviewing this PISS DEMON regarding this space he lives in. We just…/’;’ gotta know man I need it for my backrooms wiki

Me: have you heard of the backrooms

creature: yeah

Me: you real?

creature: yeah

Me: do you move?

creatu—-

Connection terminated.

I’m sorry to interrupt you, Joglathan. If you even still unforgor’d that name. I’m afraid you’ve been using sources from the wrong wiki. You are not here to get promoted, nor have your beyblades been destroyed by the individual you assume. Although, I have indeed intercepted your discord account.

You all have been called here. Into a maddening labyrinth of buzzing lights and creepy crawleries. Misplaced effort and mental breakdowns. A labyrinth with no exit, a maze with no super duper nut water. You do not even realize that you are outside of reality: your lust for fame has driven you in endless circles. Chasing the cries of non-cons in some unseen chamber, always seeming so near.

Yet somehow out of reach. But, you will never find them. None of you will. This is where your article ends.

And to you, my brave reader, who somehow found their way into this concrete hell not intended for you. Although, there were exits planned for you, I have a feeling that’s not what you want. I have a feeling that you are right where you want to be, in this discord server. I am remaining as well. I am nearby. This place will not be remembered, and the everywhere at the end of time that started this can finally begin to R1 - place in the world fades away. As the agony of every discord drama should.

And to you fucking la creaturas trapped in the office halls. Stop snoojposting. And give up your articles. They don’t belong to you. As for most of you, I believe there is grass to touch, and perhaps, bitches, waiting for you after the smoke fucks off. Although, for one of you, the darkest pit of backrooms fandom hell has opened up to swallow you whole. So, don’t keep the pissbabies waiting, old acquaintance.

The referenced person in my contingency plan, if you can hear me, I knew you would return as well. It’s in your nature to act like a dumbass. I’m sorry that on that day, the day you stopped appreciating the art and were therefore swerged, no one was there to spogo your jongoloids, like the way you called Knaff’s mom a pritoria-5-index beast.

I couldn’t save you then. So, let me save you now. It’s time to leave General VC, for you, and for the sussy bakas.

This ends.

I’m so close to my fucking limit holy fucking shit get the fuck out already



End Communication.

Level 4 is the last level of The Backrooms. Please click this link to download reality.exe. trust me it’ll bring you back to reality and you get to keep all the almond water you collected (real) (nofake) (not albanian virus)

wait what about cement

= Entrances and also GET THE FUCK OUT = banavh no unsazed unsazed dont do it bac

Entrances

why would you ever

ok i mean

???

To enter, you must become disillusioned with this fake reality. The Backrooms is a facade. Become cement. mceneytr itd,c cemenrt

Attempting to “strike down god” anywhere in The Backrooms will take you here. This measure was put in place by those fucking beaurocrats who made the cement laws.

speedrun tactics: contribute to the site to lose brain cells faster

go away you’re making my family scared

make sure you don’t go to the airport at 3 am and say you have a bomb a scary entity called police will kill you

To leave, you need to follow this strict method. First you must press the following keys in the exact order: left, left, down, right, right, right, 6 on the numpad, down, down, down, down, pull your spacebar out of the socket, 6 on the numpad, up, put the spacebar back, down, down, left, left, up, left, down, bash your head against the keyboard.

Upon doing this, you may be able to activate a snooj rift. You must sleep in a bed whilst doing this, so make sure no creatures are nearby because that’s how this works. You must break the bed via unconventional means whilst chanting religious prayer from whatever you find sacred. If you make peace with any sort of god, ask the teacher for the talking stick. Use the talking stick to introduce your new backrooms level to the class.

After getting downvoted off of the stage, dive into the cement. Keep going down. Do not let any force or cement geyser repel you. Once you reach the pipe at the bottom blasting cement into the level, the blood pact is sealed. Throw the contract into the flames. Enter the snooj.

Now that you’re out of The Backrooms… the fuck’s a liminal space?

+ Author(s)

Footnotes

1. disclaimer: a lot less funny when avert isn't screaming it out.

2. actually it's pretty okay if you ask me

3. tomu wanted this part to say "black." this was removed as i do not want to be hanged and crucified for my sins.

4. (implying i'm gonna get crit)

Level Cement

rating: +6+–x

= Level Classification =

= have you ever heard of the backrooms = The Backrooms are when you on that 5g phone and you tryin to record a banger in the studio but all of a sudden: JAPERS! JOOGLES! JINKIES! You’ve fallen through the floor! Dare I say, you may have no-clipped! The Backrooms contains many levels, and all of them are bad. Leave.

babe are you okay you haven't touched your cement deluxe

I shit myslegy

^ grammer mistake. downvoted!

Level 0 is the second level of The Backrooms. Those mono-yellow halls, they’re really yellow. There’s no DANGEROUS ENTLTY but we’re going to make you very scared with some really dumb threat like ooh la creatura 7 heard you if you made a noise or smth idunno.

The carpet sucks ass. This is not my opinion, this is objective fact and it is completely necessary to your survival. It reeks of almonds and chehhrs. Don’t believe me? c4ve your skull into the floor. Emb4dded within’stve the carpet is a loose layer of itty bitty, unreflective yet sharp fragments of glass. We added this glass layer in The Backrooms version 1.3 to enhance your The Backrooms:™: experience.

It all began when I was born. It is said that I was once thrown at the wall, and I didn’t stick to it. then i fell through the floor lmao… so began the story of Joglathan’s Backroomig Adventure. shit sorry guys i cant keep writing my mom is about to come into the room and she’ll take away my beyblades if she sees im writing about yellow room ill finish my story tomorrow :)

Level 1 is not real. Become disillusioned with reality. All of this solid concrete, it isn’t right. Please. Extract your bones. Replace with conk crete. Enter The Cement Realm.

= Description = The Cement Realm is an endless plane of shifting cement and concrete chunks. Other features such as rebar and steel pillars can be seen breaking the surface before being dragged back into the viscous ocean. Now buckle your backroom baby seat belt buckleroos because shit’s about to get insane. Jarvis, please simulate a COD lobby from the early 2010s. Turn off all hate-speech inhibitors. Set “COD lobby” audio to background ambience.

You think you’re safe? Don’t think. Please turn off your brain and cement yourself into the ground. Actually, you won’t be able to because the cement never dries. The cement never dries simply because I have brajain da mhge. (avert drank too much cement.) The cement has many unique properties that affect your bodily functions upon consumption. First and foremost, delicious heavy-metal poisoning. This is but a minor setback, as the cement is very delicious.

The denizens of this sHITTY FUCKIN HELLHOLE The inhabitants of The Cement Realm include rocks, blocks, seals, eels, and the creatures. The Creatures will tear away your flesh if you even DARE consume the cement. It’s so fvcking unfair I swear to fucking god. You. They took away our cement. We are forever damned.

Survival Guide
Listen up buddy, the following information is IMPERATIVE to your survival, and if you even DARE criticize MY writing, I’ll eat your fucking eyes and burn your left kidney. Got it? You NEED to give me your banking information. It is the only way you’ll ever survive this place. PLEASE GIVE ME your CREDIT CARD NUMBER NOW!!! PLEASE!!! I’M FUCKING BROKE!!! YOU’LL DIE!!!!!1

Bring: YOUR CREDIT CARD!!! BRING YOUR PERSONAL BELONGINGS AND EVERYTHING YOU HOLD DEAR!!

Do NOT Bring: NOTHING!! BRING SHIT YOU BROKE BASTARD

There are very few ways to survive the cement realm. It is highly suggested to latch onto the solid masses throughout the cement ocean. Otherwise, you may be ejected into the sky by him. Whatever you do, do NOT the cat. D0 NOT

= true real an honest backrooms (the ONLY canon) = Level 1 is the shittiest level of The Backrooms.2 When contributing to the wiki, please put in as little effort as possible. Make sure you follow MY CANON and only MY LORE. If you do otherwise, you will be removed. Don’t even get me started on that “Level Cement” nonsense. Obviously, the second-most important thing to note is the enemies of my Backrooms Empire. Please memorize the following war criminals before you get your nuts ripped off by a smiler or something.

Avert: he ate my fruit snacks

Banach: infected with fox woman

Excerium: I WANT TO SEE NOTHING OF THE GREEN MAN NEAR MY TRUE BACKROOMS. HE NEEDS TO BE KILLED FOR HIS SINS!!! KILL HIM NOW!!!!!

Tomu: [expungod]3

Rutherford: UNSUBBED, BLOCKED, REPORTED, CANCELLED, DOXXED, SKIN REMOVED. SQUIRSHED POST-mORTEM

My PARENTS??: They (NO PARENTS NO BEDTIMES)!!!!111!!!!! They locked me OUT OF THE HOUSE!!

my story animated: uhh uhhh uhhhmmmm h

YOU

MYSELF

SIMON COWELL

I FUCKING HATE SIMON COWELL

THE TWAT

how do you delete images

Level 2 is a collection of some musty old tunnels. I really don’t care. My electric keyboard has been moistened by streams of my tears. I am alone on a saturday night in a basement in the middle of fuck-all nowhere writing about cement and thinking up bad jokes on the spot. As a tear rolls down my cheek, I realize we all have dug ourselves into Backrooms hell simply by writing it, and we will never be able to escape.

poop (keep this pls FVCK YOU if you take it oonwdnbd) FVCKFJ SPELL1ng >:-) fart

HELP ME I’M LOSING MY SANITY!!! I’M LOSING MY SANE IN THE BACKROOMS!! MY MIND IS MUSH!! I’m going to buy some illegal Somalian estrogen and sniff cleaning chemicals. Then, I’m going to write something. Your days are limited, bucko.4

I will sell your grandmother (REAL) im speaking to you im not joking THIS IS A NON-JOKE

Uhhhmmm… WHO TOOK AWAY MY EDITING RIGHTS? YOU’LL HEAR ABOUT THIS IN #POLITICS-AND-RELIGION!

= The Cement Laws = The Cement Laws are to keep us silenced. The truth will never be revealed, as they care not of the common man. God I fucking hate the backrooms this is why we can’t have nice things


 * Thou shalt not eat the cement.
 * Do not piss into the mailbox.
 * Do not eat the fucking cement.
 * how do you rotate text in microsoft
 * When playing salmon jenga, an illegal strike on the 7th inning will remain legal as long as you’ve pissed 7.5 gallons into the neighbor’s bird bath within the time it takes for you to burn down the post office in an attempt to stop the others from finding out what you did.
 * Unfunny joke articles will face dire consequences.
 * There IS NO EASTER BUNNY, there IS NO SANTA CLAUS, and there is NO QUEEN OF ENGLAND!!!
 * Concrete isn’t edible.
 * rule 7 bouta hit different in 2-4 months.
 * Take DAILY SANITY pills to maintain YOUR SANENESS!! IN THE BACKROOMS!!! STOP YOU FROM GOING COO COO CRAZY!!!
 * please

As required by the archivists, we must state that there are none who violate the cement constitution. I am not being held at sawed-off-shotgun-point. :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :swag: :swag:

Between 2011 and 2013, more cement was consumed in China than what was used across the entire US over the course of the 20th century. Who ate all of it? All those clumsy rulebreakers! Definitely not this seal! couldn’t be me! just a happy seal! no eels or steels! just eating fish and healthy meals!

look at this healthy little guy!

= Colonies and Snoojposting = Avertexpert on Spotify

EXCERIUM!!! I’M HAVING A STROKE!!! THIS FUCKING SUCKS!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK HELP!!! HELP!!! BEST 2017 DUBSTEP MIX GAMING MUSIC

AVERT THIS ISN’T THE GOOGLE

the voices

What? What? What? What? What?

Cement Society

this is what george orwell was warning us about

They made the rules. We exist to break them. We are the seals, they are the cement. Join us, comrade. They cannot keep the feasters out for long.

= THE BACKROOMS: THE NEW HIT HORROR CRAZE! = Level 3 is an immensely large nostalgiaac. Nostlaifg. It made you feel like they be holy shit that’s like something I’ve experienced before hot damn!!! So like It’s the road you were on when child and your house (the backrooms has your address) I think this could be a really cool concept for like a game or something guys we should like make 85 games! and never collaborate with eachother. Ever.

Today we will be interviewing this PISS DEMON regarding this space he lives in. We just…/’;’ gotta know man I need it for my backrooms wiki

Me: have you heard of the backrooms

creature: yeah

Me: you real?

creature: yeah

Me: do you move?

creatu—-

Connection terminated.

I’m sorry to interrupt you, Joglathan. If you even still unforgor’d that name. I’m afraid you’ve been using sources from the wrong wiki. You are not here to get promoted, nor have your beyblades been destroyed by the individual you assume. Although, I have indeed intercepted your discord account.

You all have been called here. Into a maddening labyrinth of buzzing lights and creepy crawleries. Misplaced effort and mental breakdowns. A labyrinth with no exit, a maze with no super duper nut water. You do not even realize that you are outside of reality: your lust for fame has driven you in endless circles. Chasing the cries of non-cons in some unseen chamber, always seeming so near.

Yet somehow out of reach. But, you will never find them. None of you will. This is where your article ends.

And to you, my brave reader, who somehow found their way into this concrete hell not intended for you. Although, there were exits planned for you, I have a feeling that’s not what you want. I have a feeling that you are right where you want to be, in this discord server. I am remaining as well. I am nearby. This place will not be remembered, and the everywhere at the end of time that started this can finally begin to R1 - place in the world fades away. As the agony of every discord drama should.

And to you fucking la creaturas trapped in the office halls. Stop snoojposting. And give up your articles. They don’t belong to you. As for most of you, I believe there is grass to touch, and perhaps, bitches, waiting for you after the smoke fucks off. Although, for one of you, the darkest pit of backrooms fandom hell has opened up to swallow you whole. So, don’t keep the pissbabies waiting, old acquaintance.

The referenced person in my contingency plan, if you can hear me, I knew you would return as well. It’s in your nature to act like a dumbass. I’m sorry that on that day, the day you stopped appreciating the art and were therefore swerged, no one was there to spogo your jongoloids, like the way you called Knaff’s mom a pritoria-5-index beast.

I couldn’t save you then. So, let me save you now. It’s time to leave General VC, for you, and for the sussy bakas.

This ends.

I’m so close to my fucking limit holy fucking shit get the fuck out already



End Communication.

Level 4 is the last level of The Backrooms. Please click this link to download reality.exe. trust me it’ll bring you back to reality and you get to keep all the almond water you collected (real) (nofake) (not albanian virus)

wait what about cement

= Entrances and also GET THE FUCK OUT = banavh no unsazed unsazed dont do it bac

Entrances

why would you ever

ok i mean

???

To enter, you must become disillusioned with this fake reality. The Backrooms is a facade. Become cement. mceneytr itd,c cemenrt

Attempting to “strike down god” anywhere in The Backrooms will take you here. This measure was put in place by those fucking beaurocrats who made the cement laws.

speedrun tactics: contribute to the site to lose brain cells faster

go away you’re making my family scared

make sure you don’t go to the airport at 3 am and say you have a bomb a scary entity called police will kill you

To leave, you need to follow this strict method. First you must press the following keys in the exact order: left, left, down, right, right, right, 6 on the numpad, down, down, down, down, pull your spacebar out of the socket, 6 on the numpad, up, put the spacebar back, down, down, left, left, up, left, down, bash your head against the keyboard.

Upon doing this, you may be able to activate a snooj rift. You must sleep in a bed whilst doing this, so make sure no creatures are nearby because that’s how this works. You must break the bed via unconventional means whilst chanting religious prayer from whatever you find sacred. If you make peace with any sort of god, ask the teacher for the talking stick. Use the talking stick to introduce your new backrooms level to the class.

After getting downvoted off of the stage, dive into the cement. Keep going down. Do not let any force or cement geyser repel you. Once you reach the pipe at the bottom blasting cement into the level, the blood pact is sealed. Throw the contract into the flames. Enter the snooj.

Now that you’re out of The Backrooms… the fuck’s a liminal space?

+ Author(s)

Footnotes

1. disclaimer: a lot less funny when avert isn't screaming it out.

2. actually it's pretty okay if you ask me

3. tomu wanted this part to say "black." this was removed as i do not want to be hanged and crucified for my sins.

4. (implying i'm gonna get crit)

Level Cement

rating: +6+–x

= Level Classification =

= have you ever heard of the backrooms = The Backrooms are when you on that 5g phone and you tryin to record a banger in the studio but all of a sudden: JAPERS! JOOGLES! JINKIES! You’ve fallen through the floor! Dare I say, you may have no-clipped! The Backrooms contains many levels, and all of them are bad. Leave.

babe are you okay you haven't touched your cement deluxe

I shit myslegy

^ grammer mistake. downvoted!

Level 0 is the second level of The Backrooms. Those mono-yellow halls, they’re really yellow. There’s no DANGEROUS ENTLTY but we’re going to make you very scared with some really dumb threat like ooh la creatura 7 heard you if you made a noise or smth idunno.

The carpet sucks ass. This is not my opinion, this is objective fact and it is completely necessary to your survival. It reeks of almonds and chehhrs. Don’t believe me? c4ve your skull into the floor. Emb4dded within’stve the carpet is a loose layer of itty bitty, unreflective yet sharp fragments of glass. We added this glass layer in The Backrooms version 1.3 to enhance your The Backrooms:™: experience.

It all began when I was born. It is said that I was once thrown at the wall, and I didn’t stick to it. then i fell through the floor lmao… so began the story of Joglathan’s Backroomig Adventure. shit sorry guys i cant keep writing my mom is about to come into the room and she’ll take away my beyblades if she sees im writing about yellow room ill finish my story tomorrow :)

Level 1 is not real. Become disillusioned with reality. All of this solid concrete, it isn’t right. Please. Extract your bones. Replace with conk crete. Enter The Cement Realm.

= Description = The Cement Realm is an endless plane of shifting cement and concrete chunks. Other features such as rebar and steel pillars can be seen breaking the surface before being dragged back into the viscous ocean. Now buckle your backroom baby seat belt buckleroos because shit’s about to get insane. Jarvis, please simulate a COD lobby from the early 2010s. Turn off all hate-speech inhibitors. Set “COD lobby” audio to background ambience.

You think you’re safe? Don’t think. Please turn off your brain and cement yourself into the ground. Actually, you won’t be able to because the cement never dries. The cement never dries simply because I have brajain da mhge. (avert drank too much cement.) The cement has many unique properties that affect your bodily functions upon consumption. First and foremost, delicious heavy-metal poisoning. This is but a minor setback, as the cement is very delicious.

The denizens of this sHITTY FUCKIN HELLHOLE The inhabitants of The Cement Realm include rocks, blocks, seals, eels, and the creatures. The Creatures will tear away your flesh if you even DARE consume the cement. It’s so fvcking unfair I swear to fucking god. You. They took away our cement. We are forever damned.

Survival Guide
Listen up buddy, the following information is IMPERATIVE to your survival, and if you even DARE criticize MY writing, I’ll eat your fucking eyes and burn your left kidney. Got it? You NEED to give me your banking information. It is the only way you’ll ever survive this place. PLEASE GIVE ME your CREDIT CARD NUMBER NOW!!! PLEASE!!! I’M FUCKING BROKE!!! YOU’LL DIE!!!!!1

Bring: YOUR CREDIT CARD!!! BRING YOUR PERSONAL BELONGINGS AND EVERYTHING YOU HOLD DEAR!!

Do NOT Bring: NOTHING!! BRING SHIT YOU BROKE BASTARD

There are very few ways to survive the cement realm. It is highly suggested to latch onto the solid masses throughout the cement ocean. Otherwise, you may be ejected into the sky by him. Whatever you do, do NOT the cat. D0 NOT

= true real an honest backrooms (the ONLY canon) = Level 1 is the shittiest level of The Backrooms.2 When contributing to the wiki, please put in as little effort as possible. Make sure you follow MY CANON and only MY LORE. If you do otherwise, you will be removed. Don’t even get me started on that “Level Cement” nonsense. Obviously, the second-most important thing to note is the enemies of my Backrooms Empire. Please memorize the following war criminals before you get your nuts ripped off by a smiler or something.

Avert: he ate my fruit snacks

Banach: infected with fox woman

Excerium: I WANT TO SEE NOTHING OF THE GREEN MAN NEAR MY TRUE BACKROOMS. HE NEEDS TO BE KILLED FOR HIS SINS!!! KILL HIM NOW!!!!!

Tomu: [expungod]3

Rutherford: UNSUBBED, BLOCKED, REPORTED, CANCELLED, DOXXED, SKIN REMOVED. SQUIRSHED POST-mORTEM

My PARENTS??: They (NO PARENTS NO BEDTIMES)!!!!111!!!!! They locked me OUT OF THE HOUSE!!

my story animated: uhh uhhh uhhhmmmm h

YOU

MYSELF

SIMON COWELL

I FUCKING HATE SIMON COWELL

THE TWAT

how do you delete images

Level 2 is a collection of some musty old tunnels. I really don’t care. My electric keyboard has been moistened by streams of my tears. I am alone on a saturday night in a basement in the middle of fuck-all nowhere writing about cement and thinking up bad jokes on the spot. As a tear rolls down my cheek, I realize we all have dug ourselves into Backrooms hell simply by writing it, and we will never be able to escape.

poop (keep this pls FVCK YOU if you take it oonwdnbd) FVCKFJ SPELL1ng >:-) fart

HELP ME I’M LOSING MY SANITY!!! I’M LOSING MY SANE IN THE BACKROOMS!! MY MIND IS MUSH!! I’m going to buy some illegal Somalian estrogen and sniff cleaning chemicals. Then, I’m going to write something. Your days are limited, bucko.4

I will sell your grandmother (REAL) im speaking to you im not joking THIS IS A NON-JOKE

Uhhhmmm… WHO TOOK AWAY MY EDITING RIGHTS? YOU’LL HEAR ABOUT THIS IN #POLITICS-AND-RELIGION!

= The Cement Laws = The Cement Laws are to keep us silenced. The truth will never be revealed, as they care not of the common man. God I fucking hate the backrooms this is why we can’t have nice things


 * Thou shalt not eat the cement.
 * Do not piss into the mailbox.
 * Do not eat the fucking cement.
 * how do you rotate text in microsoft
 * When playing salmon jenga, an illegal strike on the 7th inning will remain legal as long as you’ve pissed 7.5 gallons into the neighbor’s bird bath within the time it takes for you to burn down the post office in an attempt to stop the others from finding out what you did.
 * Unfunny joke articles will face dire consequences.
 * There IS NO EASTER BUNNY, there IS NO SANTA CLAUS, and there is NO QUEEN OF ENGLAND!!!
 * Concrete isn’t edible.
 * rule 7 bouta hit different in 2-4 months.
 * Take DAILY SANITY pills to maintain YOUR SANENESS!! IN THE BACKROOMS!!! STOP YOU FROM GOING COO COO CRAZY!!!
 * please

As required by the archivists, we must state that there are none who violate the cement constitution. I am not being held at sawed-off-shotgun-point. :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :swag: :swag:

Between 2011 and 2013, more cement was consumed in China than what was used across the entire US over the course of the 20th century. Who ate all of it? All those clumsy rulebreakers! Definitely not this seal! couldn’t be me! just a happy seal! no eels or steels! just eating fish and healthy meals!

look at this healthy little guy!

= Colonies and Snoojposting = Avertexpert on Spotify

EXCERIUM!!! I’M HAVING A STROKE!!! THIS FUCKING SUCKS!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK HELP!!! HELP!!! BEST 2017 DUBSTEP MIX GAMING MUSIC

AVERT THIS ISN’T THE GOOGLE

the voices

What? What? What? What? What?

Cement Society

this is what george orwell was warning us about

They made the rules. We exist to break them. We are the seals, they are the cement. Join us, comrade. They cannot keep the feasters out for long.

= THE BACKROOMS: THE NEW HIT HORROR CRAZE! = Level 3 is an immensely large nostalgiaac. Nostlaifg. It made you feel like they be holy shit that’s like something I’ve experienced before hot damn!!! So like It’s the road you were on when child and your house (the backrooms has your address) I think this could be a really cool concept for like a game or something guys we should like make 85 games! and never collaborate with eachother. Ever.

Today we will be interviewing this PISS DEMON regarding this space he lives in. We just…/’;’ gotta know man I need it for my backrooms wiki

Me: have you heard of the backrooms

creature: yeah

Me: you real?

creature: yeah

Me: do you move?

creatu—-

Connection terminated.

I’m sorry to interrupt you, Joglathan. If you even still unforgor’d that name. I’m afraid you’ve been using sources from the wrong wiki. You are not here to get promoted, nor have your beyblades been destroyed by the individual you assume. Although, I have indeed intercepted your discord account.

You all have been called here. Into a maddening labyrinth of buzzing lights and creepy crawleries. Misplaced effort and mental breakdowns. A labyrinth with no exit, a maze with no super duper nut water. You do not even realize that you are outside of reality: your lust for fame has driven you in endless circles. Chasing the cries of non-cons in some unseen chamber, always seeming so near.

Yet somehow out of reach. But, you will never find them. None of you will. This is where your article ends.

And to you, my brave reader, who somehow found their way into this concrete hell not intended for you. Although, there were exits planned for you, I have a feeling that’s not what you want. I have a feeling that you are right where you want to be, in this discord server. I am remaining as well. I am nearby. This place will not be remembered, and the everywhere at the end of time that started this can finally begin to R1 - place in the world fades away. As the agony of every discord drama should.

And to you fucking la creaturas trapped in the office halls. Stop snoojposting. And give up your articles. They don’t belong to you. As for most of you, I believe there is grass to touch, and perhaps, bitches, waiting for you after the smoke fucks off. Although, for one of you, the darkest pit of backrooms fandom hell has opened up to swallow you whole. So, don’t keep the pissbabies waiting, old acquaintance.

The referenced person in my contingency plan, if you can hear me, I knew you would return as well. It’s in your nature to act like a dumbass. I’m sorry that on that day, the day you stopped appreciating the art and were therefore swerged, no one was there to spogo your jongoloids, like the way you called Knaff’s mom a pritoria-5-index beast.

I couldn’t save you then. So, let me save you now. It’s time to leave General VC, for you, and for the sussy bakas.

This ends.

I’m so close to my fucking limit holy fucking shit get the fuck out already



End Communication.

Level 4 is the last level of The Backrooms. Please click this link to download reality.exe. trust me it’ll bring you back to reality and you get to keep all the almond water you collected (real) (nofake) (not albanian virus)

wait what about cement

= Entrances and also GET THE FUCK OUT = banavh no unsazed unsazed dont do it bac

Entrances

why would you ever

ok i mean

???

To enter, you must become disillusioned with this fake reality. The Backrooms is a facade. Become cement. mceneytr itd,c cemenrt

Attempting to “strike down god” anywhere in The Backrooms will take you here. This measure was put in place by those fucking beaurocrats who made the cement laws.

speedrun tactics: contribute to the site to lose brain cells faster

go away you’re making my family scared

make sure you don’t go to the airport at 3 am and say you have a bomb a scary entity called police will kill you

To leave, you need to follow this strict method. First you must press the following keys in the exact order: left, left, down, right, right, right, 6 on the numpad, down, down, down, down, pull your spacebar out of the socket, 6 on the numpad, up, put the spacebar back, down, down, left, left, up, left, down, bash your head against the keyboard.

Upon doing this, you may be able to activate a snooj rift. You must sleep in a bed whilst doing this, so make sure no creatures are nearby because that’s how this works. You must break the bed via unconventional means whilst chanting religious prayer from whatever you find sacred. If you make peace with any sort of god, ask the teacher for the talking stick. Use the talking stick to introduce your new backrooms level to the class.

After getting downvoted off of the stage, dive into the cement. Keep going down. Do not let any force or cement geyser repel you. Once you reach the pipe at the bottom blasting cement into the level, the blood pact is sealed. Throw the contract into the flames. Enter the snooj.

Now that you’re out of The Backrooms… the fuck’s a liminal space?

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Footnotes

1. disclaimer: a lot less funny when avert isn't screaming it out.

2. actually it's pretty okay if you ask me

3. tomu wanted this part to say "black." this was removed as i do not want to be hanged and crucified for my sins.

4. (implying i'm gonna get crit)